Flashbacks of the worse kind

My current situation is giving me terrible flashbacks to 3 years ago around this exact same time in the calendar year when I was acutely sick with Covid and starting to wonder if I would ever get better.

I remember that my wonderful Executive Director at the time, Marty, called to check up on me. I broke down crying and told him that I never expected to be sick as long as I had been and that it was really getting to me.

That call really meant everything to me.

Well, here I am again. Three years later and feeling lost again. Wondering how long I am going to be like this again. I’m stuck in this depressive episode and it is really getting to me.

I can’t believe that I am still feeling so catatonic and confused. It is really adding a whole extra level of stress and anxiety.

I can’t believe I still feel like this. I can’t seem to find my way out.

I really have no other way to describe it other than feeling lost. It feels like my brain is in some dark woods somewhere and I need help trying to find me.

Another bit of history repeating is how hard it has been to find professional help.

I remember 3 years ago contacting the virtual doctor service and my primary doctor to talk about how I was still sick with covid. No one really had any suggestions for me.

This time, so far, I have tried therapy and the long covid clinic. Both options have taken forever to connect with and so far, responses have been lackluster.

As I mentioned, the therapist I talked to told me that I needed another therapist. For the long covid clinic, I’m still trying to get scheduled.

My next step is to try to talk to my primary care physician.

In the meantime, God only knows how close I am to losing my job.

At least I had less of that fear the first time around 3 years ago, even though the anxious feelings of missing so much work were stiil there.

But, everything else feels like a little bit of history repeating. My body letting me down followed by the Healthcare system.

#longcovid #covid #treatment #mentalhealth #doctor #medical