Finding Motivation and Making Adjustments

I mentioned in my last post that the last few days have been hard for me and I haven’t really had it in me to communicate. Keeping motivation is so difficult.

I’m tired all the time. Any gains I make are very, very slow. All the money that I am spending on tests and doctors are wielding very few results. It’s enough to make you want to curl into a ball and never uncurl.

But, there are things that I desperately want for myself for my future. And I know that if I want a shot at that future, I have to keep going. So, here I am.

I have officially completed the pacing course and it’s time to start experimenting with implementing the processes that the course taught me. Today is my first day on my new pacing schedule. So, hopefully, I will have more to say about that later.

But to be honest, I made it through the course over a week ago and then I crashed. I couldn’t bring myself to move on to the next step. Or do much of anything, really.

It’s hard to explain. I felt physically drained but also emotionally drained. Like I was all out of motivation.

I didn’t help that I also had a very disappointing appointment with my pulmonologist. Basically, she can’t explain my chest pain or shortness of breath and she wants to bounce me back to the cardiologist. But, the cardiologist already told me that he can’t find anything wrong with my heart.

It has made me decide that it might be time to try a Long-Covid Care Center.

Anderson Cooper did an excellent piece for 60 minutes a few nights ago about the Long Care Center in New York at Mount Sinai. I put a link to the story in my link library.

For me, the piece was enlightening, but also captured for me so much of my own experience.

Most articles or news stories on tv that I see, I usually have the same reaction. I nod my head as I read the stories and I hear and see the same things that I am going through and feeling.

The people describing their symptoms, describing their previously healthy lifestyle and how they feel like a shell of their former selves all sounds pretty familiar.

But, it was very disappointing to hear that there’s no answers. It’s reaffirming in a certain way to know that you’re not crazy. You are experiencing these things even if the tests aren’t picking it up. But, still, I’d love to have actual answers.

Survivor Corps has put together a list of hospitals with Long-Covid Care Centers. I put a link to that list in my link library. There are none in Georgia. But, there is one in Alabama. So, I am going to call and see if I can get myself on the waiting list there and at the one in Mount Sinai.

We don’t have answers yet. But, maybe if I can be a part of a care center, I can be a part of finding answers. In the meantime, the 2 most debilitating symptoms that I have continue to be fatigue and brain fog. So, I’m going to keep trying to find ways to lessen those symptoms.

#longhauler #mentalhealth #hospital #voicesofthevirus #longcovid